Jade's Transgender Journey

 Friendly Advice for Parents "My child is transgender, now what?" As a parent, I believe I can imagine what most parents may think or even feel when discovering their child being transgender.  If you were brought up like I was, you may be conservative or have conservative concerns. I am familiar with how religious beliefs or even basic biology knowledge dictate how some view the topic.  It is not my intention to say who is right or who is wrong; but I would like to ask if you are struggling with such issues, please ask yourself if you love your child.  If love comes to your heart first, not only do I believe you can overcome these issues, but also discover a very special relationship between you and your child that you cannot even imagine.   I remember growing up wanting to be physically who I was inside; but because of my conservative upbringing, that was not an option.  I remember hearing my father explain on many occasions that he wanted a daug...

I have never been a songwriter, but these words came to me back in December of 2021.  The words were inspired by my experience sand other transgender people who have shared their struggles and fears in being their authentic self.  I doubt this will ever be put to music, but I thought it was time to share it. Sometimes, all we can do is try and cry. We Try and We Cry MELODY: Oh we try...and we cry…….. oh we try...and we cry…….we try, and we try, but we cry We see smiles from others, and we cry We see beauty all around us, and we try We feel the love from others for who they know, and we try When will we be able to smile, instead we cry MELODY: Oh we try...and we cry…….. oh we try...and we cry…….we try, and we try, but we cry We are not who they see, but we try Will they love who we are, and we cry Will we ever be who we are, but we try We carry the pain deep inside, but we try MELODY: Oh we try...and we cry…….. oh we try...and we cry…….we try, and we try, but we ...

Is it Safe yet?      It has been a few months since my last blog.  With the holidays, new year and basic life stuff, I have been busy learning more and more about my authentic self.  I have discovered that a lot of my historical behavior, which I thought was just part of my personality, was largely influenced by basic social programming / expectations.  How I reacted to situations, how I acted as a person, and even to the movies I liked, all were representations of what I believed was expected of me. Now, with a strong support system and much needed medical treatment, what I was afraid of, is no longer scary.  I'm learning what I really like, and what I used to pretend I liked.  With this part of my journey, I have discovered the courage to live my life totally as myself without a 2nd thought.  I used to be afraid to just walk outside and worry about what my neighbors might think.   For the most part, I no longer worry about that....

 Requests to All Medical Professionals When a person is transgender because of gender dysphoria, we will most likely eventually seek medical professionals for treatment.  For me because of that and other medical conditions, I need to see medical professionals more than the average person. Even with all my experience as a patient, I was nervous when I first sought medical help for my gender dysphoria.  Here was a tough former civil servant anxious to see a doctor.  Fortunately for me, I had a very positive experience at the beginning of my transitioning journey.  However, since then, that has not always been the case.  My hope and prayer by sharing this is not to talk negative about medical professionals, but to help them better serve their patients.  Perhaps, some may even grow as a person by learning about us. I would like to share some examples that I personally have experienced:  1.  At a local hospital after I legally changed my name and ...

 The Unforeseen Blessing About two years ago, I started this blog with the hopes to teach awareness about the journey of being  transgender.  My hopes was by sharing my journey it may help others truly understand what transgender is; and just maybe it will help prevent some prejudices towards those of us who are created differently.  Little did I know or expect that I would receive such a positive feedback by so many.  Yes, it is nice to know that this blog has had over 3,100 views, but those are not the numbers that mean a lot to me. One thing that has been occurring since I started to share my journey, I have had many people approach me online and in person seeking more support.  Some people have been cis-gender people wanting to learn more, but most of them have been transgender people who have also be been afraid to transition.  Lately, I have been having more and more people contact me seeking personal advice and questions regarding their transiti...

 Gender Science is more than High School Biology Everyone once in awhile, including recently, I will get someone who is transphobic who comes after me like a bull in a china shop.  With their basic understanding of human development from high school, they know more about the topic of gender than advance science, doctors, and myself. However, I cannot fault such people as I use to be one of them, and I was very stubborn in my misunderstandings of the topic of transgender.  Even with my multiple collage degrees, gender dysphoria and transgender was never taught to me.  In fact, I have recently confirmed that many medical professionals are not even taught about it.  With these multiple examples on many levels of lack of awareness, it is clearly that the basic teachings of what transgender is could go a long ways. If some people who oppose us can stop demonizing or perverting us, maybe they would be open to learn more about it.  One can only hope. Reminder: Phy...

 Almost there, now what?      It seems like yesterday, but it has almost been 2 years since I started this blog.  When I started, I had no idea on what to expect.  Also, the anxiety and even fears were stronger than I ever felt.  Now, here I am, Happily Married, and legally living as me.  Even though I am still dealing with trying to recover from my seizure disorder, I feel I am almost there.  I am still GRS (gender re-assignment surgery) pre-op, but that is the next step and maybe final step in my transitioning.  With being on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)for over 20 months, I have felt more like me than ever in my life. So, now that I am starting to see final stages of my transitioning journey, what is next?      Throughout the past couple years, I have learned a lot about myself and about others. I have been pleasantly surprised on the level of support I have received, while a few has not been so empathetic.  M...

 One of my Dreams came True Today My post Wedding Renewal 8/27/22 Today was a dream come true.  My wife and I renewed our vows today, this time presenting myself as my authentic self.  From my Maid of Honor taking me to get my hair done, then having my make up done, and remarrying my soul mate, the day was special from start to finish.  I believe I can honestly say that I was Happy and felt love from every single person, memories that I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my life. Wedding Renewal 2/27/22 So, what did I validate? -  Never say never -  Do not give up on your dreams -  and there is a lot of love still in the world.  A Big Thank you to all those who helped make this day so special; and of course, my Beautiful wife, thank you for saying I do again. Love and Hugs to all my supporters, Jade 

 Irrelevant Offensive Questions Not to ask Transgender People For those people who would like to be supportive, but are not sure what to ask and not ask Transgender people, this post has a few pointers.  First thing to remember, regardless of how long a person may be transitioning, we are people to and have feelings.  Transitioning can be very scary and very challenging.  So, being asked irrelevant offensive questions can contribute to our stress and be very hurtful.  With this in mind, try to remember, never ask questions to transgender people that you would never ask non-transgender (cis-gender) people.  Here are some questions that I do not recommend asking transgender people...unless you are close friends and have permission to do so: -  Never ask a transgender person what body parts they have.  If you would not like someone asking that to one of your family members, then do not ask us.  Besides, physical biology sex is different that neu...

7-30-22 It has almost been 2 months since my last post.  Even though I have no regret in transitioning, I have been dealing with a lot of things; and I needed some time to process them.  Besides dealing with and trying to recover from all of my seizure activity, I have been dealing with a major stressor since the beginning of this year. Because of pending criminal charges on someone who I once trusted, I have not been able to go public with this information until recently.  Like this blog, it has taken me a lot of courage to share this.  So, here it is: This past January, I was sexually battered by who I thought was a friend and fellow minister, which made me a transgender statistic.  Unfortunately, some people are not who they appear and some of us pay the price.  Not only did I carry all the emotions of shame, embarrassment, anxiety and much more, each monthly court date was an emotional roller coaster.  Fortunately, this person was recently convicte...

 What Pride Month Means to me About 2 years ago, as I started my transgender transitioning, I became part of the LGBTQ+ community. At this time, I honestly did not understand the importance of the community; but since then I have met and talked to countless new people who I may not have ever had a chance to meet before. Because of these opportunities, I have heard many stories, often explaining how many of them were alienated from their family, friends, and even employment at times. All of these is something I can relate too. Many people have families to go home to who are proud of them. Unfortunately, many of us LGBTQ+ people have fewer people proud of us. Just because we were created with different wiring, we are often less than human in the name of religion and/or politics. I pray for additional awareness for peace and equality. So, what does Pride Month mean to me? It means we are not alone, and we are proud of each other for having the courage to live as our authentic...

  Friends and Family, I really do understand on how difficult it may be for some of you to understand and support that the person you have known for over 50 years is transgender.  Since telling the world almost 2 years ago, I have often put myself in your shoes.  If someone I knew did the same thing, and because of the limited knowledge I had about transgender at the time, I most likely would have been pretty upset as well.  However, because of the love I would have had for that person, I would have not only tried to support them, I also would have tried to educate myself more on the topic.  By now, most people should have heard me speak about Gender Dysphoria, and that I am transgender because of a life long struggle that I have endured with it, which has caused depression, anxiety, anger, frustration, and even contributed to my seizures. I ask, if you were dealing with a deabiliatating health condition, would you not hope that your friends and family would try...

 The Love I am Blessed With I often reflect upon myself, and wonder how and why I am the person I have become. I am not just referring about me being transgender, but the heart I carry deep inside. First, I need to give some credit to my upbringing.  I was Blessed to have a mother that loved life and others like no one I have ever known.  She taught me to not only look for the good in people, but also look at the good in situations.  Then as I grew older, I developed my love through my faith as a Christian, which ultimately lead to me becoming an ordained minister.  Basically, I learned to develop a level of love that seems to be hidden by most of the world. Not that I am any more special than others, but it pains me knowing that others do not see the beauty and love the world offers.  Now, as a transgender person, the only way I can maintain Happiness is to remember this level of love I learned to endure.  Unfortunately, the world cannot see how my wi...

Lord, I am Sorry... Sometimes we live our lives and not appreciate what we have and who we are as a person.  Sometimes, we need to take a deep look inside to discover who we have not been.  With this in mind, these words have fallen on my heart over the past few years: Lord, I am sorry for seeing the ugly person in the mirror, but not seeing the Beauty you made me inside. Lord, I am sorry for once being transphobic, while only being afraid to discover my authentic self.  Lord, I am sorry for once being homophobic because I did not understand Biblical historical context, which prevented me in knowing so many wonderful people that you created. Lord, I am sorry that I allowed all the fears of being myself to cause me so much anxiety and depression, which has effected so many. Lord, I am sorry that I did not know how to talk and tell others who I am, that special person you created. Lord, I am sorry that I do not know how to educate those who hate those who you created differ...

 Why is our Equality Not Equal?      It has been a little while since my last post.  To say that I have been facing some challenges would be an understatement. Some day I may share them, but for now, I am keeping these particular ones private.      Now, that I have a pretty good understanding on what Transgender is, the concept of not understanding it does not make any sense to me.  Now, that I look at things with a different perspective, I started looking at other situations in our society.  I have always been proud to be an American, a place where people from all around the world come to for a better life. "Life, Liberty, and the Pursue of Happiness" is the American dream.  Unfortunately, for those of us who live here know that things are not always like they are meant to be.  Here are just a few examples of the hypocritical issues that effects our society: 1.  Openly practicing religion is public schools is not acceptab...

       Since the beginning of my journey as a transgender person, I have had the privilege of talking to many wonderful people.  What I have found very interesting is, many of us have had one particular thing in common, most of us have been afraid to be who we are and to transition. With all of the things I have done and gone through in my life, transitioning is by far the scariest thing I have ever done.  I thought I would lose all of my friends, family, and maybe even any career options. With one medical condition, a condition we have not chosen, can effect every part of our lives. Well, after transitioning, I have discovered some awesome Blessings; and those hidden Blessings included not only discovering who loves me unconditionally, but also that I have actually inspired others to do the same.  I am not sharing this because I believe I am any more special than anyone else, but if I can do it, anyone can. So, my hope and prayer is that for anyone wh...

    Who is familiar with the phrase, "Crying is a sign of weakness"?  Personally, this is a phrase that I am far to familiar with.  Looking back during my adolescent years, I remember being a very emotional person.  With now having a better understanding as a transgender person, I believe in having those emotions back then makes more sense.  Unfortunately, with heart ache after ache, those feelings turned into frustration, which turned into resentment, which turned into a callused heart.  After all, "men do not cry", which was a large part of my social upbringing.  I do not believe anyone had malicious intent in trying to make me a "better man"; but little did they know there was more to the story, which was "Not open to discussion".  I can hear that phrase being scolded to me over and over again, "End of discussion!".  I cannot help but wonder, if others knew who I really was, and if they knew what transgender really is, would I have b...

       After starting my HRT (Hormonal Replacement Therapy) little over a year ago, I am excited that I am almost at the therapeutic levels. Because of other underlining medical conditions, these steps have taken me a little longer than other people. For those who may not know, I deal with a lot of anxieties, high blood pressure, and sensitivities to temperature, which can effect everything. Well, I was recently informed by my doctor that once my hormone levels are stabilized, a lot of these issues can be expected to improve, including triggers for my seizures.  The exciting part now is, as I now start my therapeutic dosage of estrogen, I will become even more the person I am inside.  So, you all can expect even more changes in the future.  Even though I realize many people may not understand what I am doing, or why I am doing it, I am excited to say that all this is helping me be a Happier and Healthier me.  So, with these updates, I am even more...

       After only sharing my story and blog for about 15 months with 31 previous blogs, my Blog has had 2,000 views.  I still remember when I started on this journey, I thought I would have little to no support; but now to see this, I feel so humbled.  For those who may be interested, the following stats is from the countries that have been viewing my blog: United States: 1,790 views  United Kingdom: 52 views Canada: 33 views Ireland: 25 views India: 22 views Sweden: 20 views Australia: 12 views Germany: 8 views United Arab Emirates: 4 views Brazil: 4 views Japan: 4 views Malta: 3 views Philippines: 3 views Switzerland: 2 views Honduras: 2 views Netherlands: 2 views Trinidad & Tobago: 2 views Ghana: 1 view Jordan: 1 view Other countries: 9 views I Hope and Pray that this Blog has helped at least a few people, and maybe helped with awareness as well.  Thank you All for all of your support. Big Hugs, Jade

 SEX- THE TOPIC SEX, the topic that all of us transgender people cannot avoid. "Normally", one's sex life is no one else's business, but apparently for transgender people our romantic life is open for everyone to question?  I can understand one's curiosity, but the boldness so many has towards us amazes me.  Believe it or not, a lot of people actually want to know how my wife and I have sex.. OMG.  My response is oftentimes want to ask them the same question.  Do people really take a moment to consider such a question before they ask it?...there's a thought. SPOILER ALERT:  We don't.  Most  "transgender people" have little if not no sex life.  So, these erotic fantasies of us "trans" is not a reality.  So all these "She/male, Tranny" common beliefs is fictional.   FACT: Those of us who are on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and MTF (Male to Female), the hormones over-rides our sexual performance, which means we cannot do it ...

It Does Not Have to be Hard It does not have to be hard, but why is it?  This is a question that I have asked many times since I started learning about transgender.  Now, I can honestly say, being transgender in itself is not typically hard, but by the way some people treat us for being transgender can be. One can expect strangers to treat us differently, but that is not where the pain comes from.  As a global moderator for a transgender support group, most of us have the same pain in common, we are mistreated and alienated by family members.  The very same people who we should be able to turn to for unconditional love and support, would rather disown us than face their prejudices towards transgender.  As we come close to the Christmas holiday, most of us have little to no family that wants to celebrate the holiday with us.  Regardless of the geography, there are families disowning their loved ones for having a medical diagnoses.  This is not to say th...

 Where Did I Find Support?      When I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria by my neuropsychologist, being transgender was confirmed.  Now what do I do?  What is next?  What do I wear?  What do I tell my friends and family?  These were just some of the questions that I had. I was anxious, and I was scared of the unknown in what was next, what to expect.  Maybe if I could find others like me, I could get some advice, some support?  Considering that I never met another transgender person in my life, where could I find others to talk to?  I was relieved that I was finally diagnosed, but I was also lost.  Yes, I had a professional therapist, who I saw every couple weeks for an hour, but she could only do so much.  So, I looked for more support; and considering the transgender community is so small, finding a local support group was very difficult. I googled transgender chat groups, but most were focused on sex chat, which ...

 Seizures are Starting Again, Why?     For those who do not know, I have seizure disorder; and in 2017 I was told if I did not get my seizures under control, they would kill me.  For about 2 years I had trouble with mobility and even required a hospital bed, wheel chair, and home health care.  After doing some deep soul searching I was able to start to discover myself as my authentic self as a transgender person.  Then in the spring of 2020, I saw a neuropsychologist, who confirmed that I was transgender suffering from gender dysphoria, which was most likely subconsciously contributing to my seizures. A weight was lifted off my shoulders, I started my transitioning, which resulted in my seizures slowly starting to subside.  In the past couple of years I have been able to do things that I thought I would never be able to do again, so why is my seizures starting again?  Well, like before, I have to be honest in what triggered them.  You see, be...

 I never knew it was possible      As far back as I can remember, I always carried some level of anxiety, depression, and even anger.  As I fought what seemed to be one battle after another, I never could pin point where all of those frustrations came from.  As I learn more about myself and help others like me, I shake my head and wonder why did I have to make it so hard?  I had so many false beliefs about so many things. Like many people, what I believed about transgender was so wrong, and it prevented me from discovering myself.  I use to struggle with my Christian faith because of my misunderstanding of the Scripture. I remember carrying so much anger in my heart that it turned to hate.  Now that I am helping others, I often see the same frustrations and hate in others, and it breaks my heart. Today was the first time in quite awhile that I woke up feeling at peace.  Instead of being reminded of who I believed I had to be, now I can j...

     With a lot of new positive developments and adjustments, it has been a little while since my last Blog.  For me, my life is currently feeling surreal. After over 50 years, I am now finally able to live as my authentic self.  It has almost been a year since I disclosed to the world of who I really am, and what a journey it has been.  Being able to live as who I am is something I have been missing.  Since the beginning of my transitioning, I have discovered a level of peace and happiness that I never knew was possible. Last year, I was scared to death, now I am Happy.  Even though my name was legally changed almost 3 months ago, the reality is finally setting in.  This morning I woke up with no anxiety, no depression, with little worries, a combination that I have not felt in many years.  Actually, I do not believe I have ever felt this level of peace and happiness.       So, what is next?  It is time to live ...

  ASSUME NOTHING Since my transitioning, I have learned many things, some good, some not so much.  Perhaps, the biggest challenge has been the Assumptions made by so many.  Some Assume I "want" to be a woman,  some Assume my transitioning is about sex, some Assume that my sexual orientation has changed, and some Assume I am a different person.  What I have recently discovered is what I believe is the most important, I to have been Assuming.  I have Assumed "everyone" would hate me for my transitioning.  I have Assumed my community would not accept me, and so much more.  Even though some may not accept me, most Assumptions are Not True.  When we Assume, we put up walls, which effects both sides.  So what is better, Live in Fear, or Live in Peace?  I chose Peace. Hugs, Jade

 Since I have been living as a transgender person, there is one definite myth by many about transgender people which is the biggest by far. For those who are not educated on the topic of transgender, oftentimes resulting in them being transphobic, usually believe transgender transitioning is all about sex.  However, this is so far from the truth; and it amazes me on how some people can take someone's health and personal peace issues and pervert them to justify their phobias and mistreatment of others.  Perhaps, it is because that is human nature for things that are different, to be afraid and to act out.  In fact, I have had multiple ex-girlfriends state that I could not be transgender because I am not gay.  Well, they are partially correct, I am not gay; but why should that matter?  Also, they are exes for a reason, they never knew me for who I really am.  Another thing many people want to know is, "how do you and your wife have sex?  What??...

      Since I disclosed my authentic self to the world, I have received more support than I could imagine. However, I have also faced some Transphobic people as well.  Even though the positive people in my life dwarf the negative ones in comparison, the few negative experiences can be very disappointing, even hurtful at times. Like all of my posts, I hope this one will help teach awareness on how difficult it can be in being transgender.      Last month, I had to go to court so I could get my name and gender marker legally changed. During that time, I had to testify on how I have been bullied, harassed and discriminated because of being transgender. Even though testifying was very difficult, it was also liberating, especially considering that I won the motion. Unfortunately, the novelty of that victory is only felt for a short time. The reality is, there will always be some people who will never except me for being me.  So far, I have had family m...

      It has been almost 9 months since I told the world I am transgender, 7 months since I started HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), 2 months since I started estrogen, and one week since my legal name change.  Now, I sit back and ponder over my journey, what a ride.  All my life I have struggled with social awkwardness, with so many things I simply could not understand.  From not knowing who I was growing up, to being who some expected me to be, while being named after the person who abused me throughout my  life, I lost my identity.  The level of depression and anxiety was beyond understanding and toleration.  The haunting memories alone made life difficult living.  Fortunately, in the past year, I have been able to start to develop my own identity.  In the past week alone, I have discovered a level of peace that I did not know ever existed.  It is difficult to explain, but I am now discovering who I really am...not the new ...

  7/21/21 Before my name and gender marker hearing      Yesterday was a day that I am going to remember for the rest of my life, the day I was given my own identity.  All my life until now I have carried the identity as a Junior and male.  Even though I believe it can be honorable in being named after someone, but it can also be difficult for the person.  For me, I struggled with my name for a few reasons including struggling with self identity, gender dysphoria; and every time I signed my name, I was reminded of the one person who has mistreated me most of my life.  Imagine living all your life with that pain and anxiety.  So, yesterday when I had to testify about some of the events in my life, the emotions were overwhelming. What was amazing was, I was expecting two hearings; but because of my extenuating circumstances the judge offered to do it all right there and then. My feelings of emotions took over and I could not hold back the t...