DEVELOPING MY IDENTITY - Post #22

      It has been almost 9 months since I told the world I am transgender, 7 months since I started HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), 2 months since I started estrogen, and one week since my legal name change.  Now, I sit back and ponder over my journey, what a ride.  All my life I have struggled with social awkwardness, with so many things I simply could not understand.  From not knowing who I was growing up, to being who some expected me to be, while being named after the person who abused me throughout my  life, I lost my identity.  The level of depression and anxiety was beyond understanding and toleration.  The haunting memories alone made life difficult living.  Fortunately, in the past year, I have been able to start to develop my own identity.  In the past week alone, I have discovered a level of peace that I did not know ever existed.  It is difficult to explain, but I am now discovering who I really am...not the new me, but the me who I was not allowed to be.  Next week is my 50th birthday, and I do not feel that old.  On an emotional level, I feel like I am a teenager again.  Perhaps, the reason I feel this way is because that is when I needed to learn to be someone I was not, and prepared myself to bury the real me.  Regardless, how long it has taken me to get to this point, I feel very Blessed.  Not only am I getting another chance to live a personally happy life, I also know who really loves me, an experience that is priceless.  I can only hope and pray that more people like me will have the same success.  Now, I look forward to meeting others while sharing my journey; and I am no longer afraid of being me.  Do I get a little nervous at times still, yes, but the barrier walls are coming down.

Until next time, Hugs

Jade 😃

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