Jade, 2 Months - Blog #8

 Well, it has been two months since I disclosed to the world about my gender dysphoria and that I will be transitioning. Overall, I have been pleasantly surprised on the support I have received by so many. Unfortunately, there have been a few who just do not know how to process it, which is understandable. However, the past few weeks the challenge has not been about others processing my transition, but with myself. There is so much more to transitioning than just putting on clothes, make-up, and changing ones name. For me, the big challenge is the emotional development part of it all. All my life I buried the super sensitive side of me, and I tried to be more aggressive for my success; but it was not the real me. Now, since I opened my heart with my authentic self, the deep emotions, feelings, and behaviors started to re-develop. I am finally allowing myself to feel and to approach things by what comes natural. This is the challenging process, really learning how to be me. Because of this, I have found myself stepping back from some things, including the ministry. I am not stepping back from my faith, I just need to get a better grip on myself before I can help others. Plus, I have now started prescription Hormone Replacement Therapy, which I am sure will be adding some additional challenges. So, all this time I was concerned about how others will process the new me, I did not know that I will need to do the same. I have no doubt that God still has special things planned for me, but I feel I need to allow myself to process everything in according to how God is guiding me. This process also includes the process of the mourning of my old self and my past. I believe sometimes, we need to make peace with the past in order to be able to see the peace of the future. So, it is time to embrace the ups and downs with love and hugs from now on. 

Until next time, Hugs

 Jade

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