Disclosing & Discovering Me - Blog #3

 DISCLOSING & DISCOVERING ME

Now, that I know who I am as a person, it has been a time to disclose my true self to the people in my life. By doing so, I have discovered so many things about myself. For instance, sometimes I have heard, “God made you a certain way, it is wrong for you to change that”. While looking at that at face value, one can see how that may make sense. Then I look back as far as I can remember and see how I was and how I felt years ago, before my social conditioning. When I was young, before the age of gender division starts, I loved life. Then throughout the years, I was told how I had to dress, how I had to walk, how I had to sit, how I had to talk, how I had to wear my hair, how I had to shake hands, what type of careers where acceptable, how to fight alpha’s to earn respect, and what hobbies were acceptable. I was taught how I had to be, to be a “man”. For every day, I consciously focused on perfecting each one of those tasks. Like an actor, I learned my lines, and tried to perfect them for about 48 years, 24 hours a day. To say the least, the anxiety was huge, and I struggled with building and maintaining solid long term relationships. It makes sense, how can one build on something that is not 100% real? I proved myself as an alpha in many areas of my life, and carried myself with confidence; but I was not happy, and I did not love life. I suffered with anxiety and at times, abused substances to self medicate. Then recently, I had to ask myself, “Am I the person God made me to be?” Now in hindsight I really do not believe I have been. I had not developed into me, but what was expected from me. Why does it matter if I like to have long hair? Why does it matter if I would rather cook and clean than work in a factory? Why do I have to like to work on cars or watch sports? Why does it matter if I dress how I like? Why am I defined by one body part I was born with? Well, after discovering what gender dysphoria is, I am not defined by that physical gender identity. I am who I am in my heart and spirit, the parts that really defines us as a person, the part our Lord and Savior came here to save. I am Jade, and God made me the way I am; and I am ready to love the life and world He made for me to enjoy. I am ready to be happy, and for that I am Blessed

Comments

  1. Lexila LeeJuly 6, 2021 at 8:06 AM

    I love this an it's only the first "episode" . Even though I am not trans my self my wife is. So, I thank you for making this so I can learn more about the journey she and any others have to take.😇🤗😀😁

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lexila LeeJuly 6, 2021 at 8:08 AM

      Even thought it isn't the first episode it is the first episode were it begins.

      Delete
    2. Jade WinnerJuly 6, 2021 at 12:32 PM

      Thank you. I can only hope and pray that by me sharing my journey, it may help teach awareness and help other transgender persons. Maybe we all can learn to love each other, regardless our diversities. Thanks again for your support. :)

      Delete

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